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Monthly Archives: August 2013

Today my world has sunny skies. I no longer break down in tears at odd moments during the day. Tuan has been my rock these past few days. He has promised me everything from a shopping spree, new car, to a new puppy. Anything to make things better. Such a good hubby.

Over the weekend our a/c in the house went completely kaput. I was quickly transported back to Vietnam. Stifling heat downstairs, and cool air in our bedroom upstairs courtesy of the window unit. Not only did that happen, someone has sideswiped the front fender of my car some time during the night. Not a note of apology, nothing. My poor Molly has been through so much and she still remains my loyal dependable car. What more can happen next?

I decided to schedule a follow-up consultation with Dr Lee to see what went wrong and to see what she would recommend next.

 

We shall see……………………

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As word travels of our unfortunate outcome, we’ve had an enormous wave of support and love come from all around us. Yesterday I just took the news with a grain of salt and moved on. Today the events seem to be looping through my head. Where did we go wrong, was it the 7 1/2 road trip to Mississippi, was it the hay ride? Did I not rest enough in the first 24 hours? Where did the embryos go?
Hubby seems to think they are still there. He claims that they talk to him still. He may have been in bigger denial initially than I.
I find it hard to keep up the faith after 3 failed cycles. The biggest one being this IVF cycle. My heart wants to harden and not be happy for anyone who is expecting. How do you steer from the path of hate? How is it when I’ve done everything by the book and my tax dollars are paying for all these other people to have their babies on my hard earned money? Sometimes I think if I have to hear something along the lines of religious faith, I want to scream bullshit. I had nothing but faith and now where am I? I must be completely lost forever and very few understands how that feels.

Well the blood results came back a big fat negative. What a big fat disappointment. All my efforts and hard work have gone to the wayside. I don’t even have the energy or sources to jump right back in. Good thing we have the cruise at the end of September. I need a get-away. Fast.

We went to Wesson Mississipi over the weekend for the 1st Annual Phamily Reunion on my uncle’s chicken farm. It was totally awesome that everyone was able to make it. Having the entire Phamily together is sometimes impossible with all the different schedules. Although I wasn’t able to participate in most of the games/activities, I had a blast cheering from the sidelines.
On the way home yesterday, we got stuck behind a terrible accident on I-20 in Kilgore. The traffic delayed us about 45 minutes which caused our arrival to be after 9pm. We had to pull over into a Pilot gas station to buy some hot water and ice to administer my progesterone shot. We so gangster! I was afraid the truckers would have thought that we were up to no good in the dark corner.

Wednesday will be my first pregnancy test via blood draw. Crossing my fingers that the embryos stuck around. I’m trying to be whatever about it and try not to start dreaming too much.

The only thing I’ve noticed is that I frequent the potty more. The progesterone shots have made me gain about 10lbs. I’m running out of cushion for the needles. I am so sore that I can barely sit on my bum!

8 more days til the blood work to confirm my pregnancy, and three weeks for the first sonogram. I’ve never liked the waiting game much. Hubby has started kissing my belly good night, good morning and when he gets home from work. I know….awww!

I don’t know what it is about the prenatal vitamins now but they sure make me gag. I’ve been taking them for 3 months without any problems until now. I wish there was an easier way!